Critique my first poem?

This is an excellent attempt at narrative poetry. The writing is pretty good for the first time. Try to find a sense of rhythm and a sense of structure, however, to make this a "poem" and not just a story broken up into individual lines. I find this to be a powerful story, but it is lacking imagery. Put more, what I call, "literary fluff" in it. Literary fluff = metaphors, similes, imagery, etc. I see an excellent foundation for a fantastic and moving poem, but it is not quite there yet.